swallow a tongue

i have come to realize that it is better to keep quiet. one seems more respectable and people are more likely to pay attention when the silence is occasionally broken.

i really despise anyone with a diarrhea mouth because i can't stand the noise. i also can't take the excess information. a childhood habit still haunts me. i convinced myself in an afternoon that the human brain can only hold so much.

dermestid beetle setup

I found that owning a dermestid beetle colony is well worth the effort.
They do next to perfect work and don't need much attention.

1. First, I posted a request on Craigslist for a free broken chest freezer and quickly found one. For small projects, this size does the trick, but the biggest piece I can comfortably get in there is a large mammal's skull.

2. The most expensive part of the project setup is the temperature control: $45. The heat lamp plugs into this and keeps the temp around 85-90F. I keep an extra thermometer in the freezer to make sure it is staying accurate.

3. Purchase beetles. I found a supplier of beetles a few hours away on ebay. I would say that 500 are enough to start and they run around $20. If you constantly feed them, they will quickly flourish to the thousands.

4. I water them with a spray bottle every week and give them cracked hard boiled eggs if I don't have any carcasses. They seem to really thrive on the eggs. Funny enough they like soy hot dogs too and REALLY enjoy leftover Thanksgiving turkey.
5. It takes about 2 days for a small bird to be COMPLETELY clean with about 2,000 active beetles.
6. When the beetles have finished, I set the bones aside so that the majority of bugs will leave the bones and head back to the main colony. This way, there are very few bugs killed in the succeeding freezing process (necessary so that no beetles hitch a ride into the house during the re-articulation process).

Chipmunk Part I

Step 1: Make an incision from the anus to the bottom lip with a sharp blade. Step 2: Do not puncture the Epithelial tissue that holds the organs in place. Step 3: Remove the pelt and cover it with salt to pull out the moisture.

Goose Part II

Step 7: Remove meat and fat Step 8: Continue boiling. Step 9: Remove more meat and fat. Step 10: Continue boiling. Step 11: Remove more meat and fat. Step 12: Add Borax to water and continue boiling. The Borax will help leach the fat off the bones. Step 13: Soak in Hydrogen Peroxide for a few days to bleach the bones white.

Goose Part I

Step 1: Find a dead goose Step 2: De-feather goose on the living room floor in front of the television so you can watch Law and Order: SVU. Step 3: Boil the goose in a pan too small, then make a late night run to Wal-mart to get a bigger one. Step 4: Be thankful you have a spouse that understands your lunacy.
Step 5: Open all of the windows and put on your winter jacket because being cold is better than that smell... that horrible... horrible smell... Step 6: Store the pot and the goose outside till you buy borax and a hot plate. Next time I'm boiling outside.

Just like mom

A sewing machine, the evening news and a glass of ice water. I'm becoming more like my mom everyday.

Dinosaur Egg

perhaps it was just a dinosaur turd.

i had a feeling this might be a dinosaur egg. i cracked it open to be sure.